Monozycotical

Shit My Twin Texts

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 12:38:00 -0400

M: B-boy is so cute

B: what?! where did that come from?

M: ha ha he was standing right by me

B: ok, so?

M: idk

B: um ok do u actually think he’s cute?

M: yes why?

B: I thought u d isn’t like him

M: wel i lied and he keeps dancing with sluts

B: yep he does that. kinda a scum bag sorry

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B: when can u talk?

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M: haha cruiser

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M: we just saw b nelson driving a crotch rocket

B: ha ha, he got mad at me uz my friend stole his tequila…

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M: ur alive

B: why wouldn’t i be?

M: idk cuz u haven’t texted me all say

B: um neither have you…

M: cuz u were busy

B: i thought you were watching the game and doing sunday funday

M: no sunday funday

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M: I tweeted u

B: saw that

B: lol

M: DON”T read some of my tweets

M: Molly????????????

B:yes!

M: no mssssss moogoo. fat girl with hair wrap and a pooh bear shirt

M: ha ha ha that’s what kris said lol

B: why shld i not read your tweets??

M: the boy one

B: ?

M: it’s abt the show

B: can’t find ms moogoo

B: ??

M: weird

B: what’s the name? and which tweets?

M: abt the show and it’s called miss, moogoo

B: uh…no makie sense

M: no what i’ll dumbasss it to u tmrw

M: night!!!

B: bahahah GOODNIGHT

M: I meant send. this phone sucks u suck too :) love u!!!!

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B: Lol…um guess who called me and was like, you moved to CA? Kyle N

M: cce w ww what the fuck

M: I ran into my closet door

B: Yep

B: I know! Thank god I live here, he tried having the.. if you lived here we cld date talk.. barf!!

M: Omg wtf ewwwwww

B: Sorry :(

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M: Go check ur email in a min

B: ok

M: ok listen to the attachment

M: did you listen?

B: YEs wow

M: ok what does he say

M: like in the very beginning

B: asking why you’re not at the autograph signing and if you’re coming

B: nothing it’s silent

M: what name do u hear

M: what name

M: name

B: Mandi

B: you’re annoying btw

M: no say brandi

B: no he said mandi

M: Brandi!!!

B: no he didn’t

B: ok maybe he did…

M: Yes tell him that he just called me

B: Um no

M: mean dad bought my ticket yay

B: Katie wanted to know if you want to get together tmrw.

B: Shld I say saturday

M: Don’t care saturday lunch still???

To text or not to Text....

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 11:47:30 -0400

So like stated previously, Mandi and Brandi text, tweet, G-chat and FB constantly to make up for the 2k mile distance.

PS—It should be noted Mandi always writes: hi, hey or what’s up when wanting to talk. it annoys the shit out of Brandi

We thought the world might be interested in our texts, if not, read on anyway, you’re bound to laugh at some point:

Mandi: x where are u

Brandi: come to moms

Brandi: left my sunglasses

Mandi: shit e

B: yeah.. right? ugh

M: Where did you leave them?

B:Somehwere in your apartment

m: Ha…ok thanks for that tip. Well I can send them to u?

B: can you also ship my coach shoes and blazer?

M: which coach sheos, Blue Wdges?

M: Hiiiiiiiiiii

M: I’m siren another follower since yesterday

B: yes blue ones

BL I’ve lost like 7 in the past week.. who cares?

M: I don’t really, It’s just frustrating…

B: Have you heard from jar?

M: No….

B; Koda has had a “red rocket” for like 3 hours idk what to do…

m: what is that?

B: his peepee is stuck out…

m: ewwwww like still?

b: yes, I think he needs to go to vet

m: did you google it? isn’t it just normal?

b: yes, and no, not when it’s stuck out that long….

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M: The Wonder Years is on Netflix

b: dude he found my camera!!!

m: how you gonna get it? U Suck

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m: put that number in your phone and save it, cuz i’m deleting his number but i need you to keep it just in case…

b: saved

m: good

M: yeah, i’m pathetic

b: how

M; cuz i’m sitting around waiting for some basically random dude to text me. Cool me from college would never have done that…

B: lol well it happens.. he shldn’t have been all attentive the first day….

m: I know but he wasn’t even that attentive… I’m sure was stand offish somehow

b: so send him a fucking text dummy, and then in no response delete him… but tmrw it’s too late today

M: it’s only 9pm. But i’ll ask the girls and see what they think tmrw and let u know

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M: so did you ask about the camera?

b: no

M: I texted him and this is what I got: hey!its.going.fairly.well…its.been.longgggg

M: Done??

B: yes done. he didn’t ask anything about you

B:Just asked for camera: his response: yeah that could work. WTF

M: Ha so that means he’s like over it?! What??? Yeah dude I set it up perfectly for him to respond again with something by saying I was glad tmrw was friday and I got nothing back…

B: (MN Crush) is over it or Jar? How long in between texts m

M: Yeah it sounds like he may not be into anymore…

B: well in that case, he’s never been into it… LOL

M It was 45 mins since he sent his to mine

b: huh, well dont give it much thought

m: really?

b: Ok, guys I think, are just not good at knowing how to text and whatnot. They’re clueless and he obvi double the time he wrote back… games.

m: yeah, no kidding. retarded. so wtf do i do?

b: wait 20 mins to write back. I do it everytime with MNCrush, well Lies, I actually switch it up. Sometimes I wait, sometimes I don’t.

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M: Alright, please don’t make me hate u :)

B: ha what?

M: God wtf I fucking ahte some people seriously why are some people so idiotic and why do they always have to cross paths with me. I wld just like some level of normalcy for once… that shouldn’t be asking too much…

M: Call ur eharmony midget and lmk how it goes… I’m gonna go stalk craigslist personal ads to find my future killer psycho ex bf….

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M: Can I borrow your bedding for extra for now?

B: yep do it. But I’d throw out the blue sheets, I had my crimson wave on them… bahahahahaha. go with the black.

M: EWWWW GROSS

B: hahahaha

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m: so that drew guy sent me a msg last night

b: who is drew???

m: from when you were here in sept

b: I have no idea who you’re talking about

m: blonde dude that was friends with those germans

b: oh…..yeah! no way! wtf did he say?

m: YEAH!!! random huh???? shld i text back

b: yes lol, and yeah, fuck Jar.

M haha no kidding. Alright I’ll text at lunch. I was thinking, if some of your delivery guys are young you shld see if they want to go to HH the best way to meet people is thru others right?

b: yes but they’re married/engaged not sure how their sig. others wld feel about them doing hh with a younger hot girl.. LOL

M: dud I srsly have a zit that like literally the size of my chin right now.

b: hahahahahhahahaha sucks

m: it hurts

b: i bet

m: how do I get rid of it?

b: lol… idk toothpaste??

m: fuck I need to get rid of it

b: look it up on the interweb

m: not helpful. U srsly wldn’t believe how bit it is… is ur skin bad?

b: bummer, no facial was life changing, I’m perfect. and hardly wear makeup anymore

m: fuck you

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M: Saw mexi

b: um who

m: uh hauge friend

b: ?

m:I hoooked up with him before court wedding

b: oh

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M: Hey

b: hi…..

M: how’s it going?

b: meh, fine.

m: meh, same here

b: not out?

m: kinda out

b:oh

m: at aura

b: oh fun ok

m: drew stopped talking to me

b: yeahh gino just wrote “yeps” so don’t know what to write back

m: uh midget is gino

b: yes lol

m: ewwwwwwwwwwww

b: lol

m: ok do aside from a short guido

b: not guido dork

m: lol what then

b: gino idk never mind

m: that’s his name right?

b: gino yes

m:ewwwwwwww. dude drew is a dick bag

b: what why?

m: he or someone from his phone sent me a text saying drew didn’t like sluts or dbags.

b: wtf are you serious? omg. douche.

m: I know :(

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m: hi

b: srsly

m: huh

b: nvmd

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m: I cannot believe you

b: um why

m: lol

M: U found vampire diaries ON Netflix???

M: PS I’m really sad I have to wait til end of nov to see u

b: lol yes, and gossip girl. I am waiting for my candy corn nails to dry lol.

m: watching now wtf no way????????????????

M: Now I love u even more

M: and have my normal can’t sleep sunday thing. yeah watching VD

B: that’s cuz you drank all weekend. Shld’ve had more water.

m:I had enough don’t judge me :(

b: lol …. I’m….Not…..

m: U can tell ur lying and we’re texting

b: Um that I’m not judging you? I thought it was apparent I am. That’s my job as your twin.

m: LOL fuck off. Ur my twin u aren’t allowed to judge…

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M: google looking into ur eyes for me.. it’s country

b: by??

m: google… don’t know… looking into ur eyes, ur eyes…

b: no

m: look it up douche please

b: fuck you

m: why I love u

m: really lovey lovey!!

Karma is a Bitch

Wed, 12 Oct 2011 13:22:00 -0400

Going off the whole idea that the two of us split everything, there is really one thing we don’t share: Karma.

Karma, as we describe it here in the states, is the idea of “what goes around comes around” and “treat others how you wish to be treated”… or basically, if you’re a total bitch, you’re gonna have to eventually deal with someone or something that’s far bitchier than you are.

With that being said, we generally tend to be pretty good people.

Mandi: I don’t take money off the street unless I’m positive no one is around that could have dropped it (unless of course no one is around to see me take it), I don’t steal, I try not to lie (I’m actually really too honest at times, and tell it how it is),if I find a lost item I do my best to return it to the rightful owner (such as a cell phone or wallet) and I try not to be bitchy behind someone’s back (although, let’s face it, at times that’s nearly impossible.. especially when I’m with my girlfriends or sorority sisters). All of this stems greatly from my belief that Karma truly is a bitch and I hope that some day that good luck will return to me…

Brandi: I also believe in the same. With the exception that life is short and that you shouldn’t dwell on the negative. (look below for this years “casualty of ZPC”). Really, I try to be positive, and do the right thing. In an instance of finding something that does not belong to me, I generally try to turn it in as well. Unless of course I got extremely lucky to find money on the street, well I’d keep that. Wasn’t in a wallet, it belongs to me now. :) I do mean mug though.. NGL.

So to sum it all up.. we do our best to be the best.

But here’s how life truly isn’t fair. All of that good luck that we’re throwing back into the cosmic world only comes back to one of us. And it slaps her in the face, real good. Brandi has the best freaking luck ever.

Exhibit A: We go out to bar. Brandi gets a little (ie: really) shitty. She looses her entire wallet, with half her rent money ($350 bucks), cell phone, camera, cards, ID, etc. The next day our bartender friend calls Mandi to let us know that he found it all, and lucky for Brandi it was him because someone else would have taken all that cash too…

Exhibit B: Brandi goes to ZPC last year and looses her wallet and ID within about a half hour of being at the crawl. The next day she calls around to the bars she remembers being at, and low and behold, her entire clutch is at the bar with all her cash still in it.

Exhibit C: Brandi goes to ZPC this year and looses her $300-something camera, can’t find it, and passes it off as a casualty of the crawl. Three days later her MN Crush sends her a text that he, somehow luckily, found it in between some couch cushions…

Exhibit D: Brandi goes out for Halloween last year. She proceeds to get lost DT Mpls and winds up in an alley and looses her purse. A few days later it is returned to her, with EVERYTHING. including said camera, cell phone, ID, credit cards. Sans $50. Which she figured was worth it to get “taken” to pay for postage and a “founders fee.”

Exhibit E: Brandi goes out with friends, leaves clutch in cab, or loses at bar, whichever. (back in the early spring/late winter of this year). It Gets mailed back to address on ID. With everything sans clutch. Fine, credit cards and BC were returned though.. that’s good right?

And Mandi.. not so much.. Loose a phone, it’s gone forever. Loose a clutch on the street right outside her apartment in broad daylight, never gets returned, break a phone that was JUST fixed? sure why not…

Get it?

So really.. the both of us can be awesome and Brandi is the only one that reaps all the benefits!!!!

Gemini's: Duality at it's finest.

Thu, 29 Sep 2011 12:33:00 -0400

Once upon a time, Mandi moved to LA too. And then she moved back. After pretty much doing nothing but being a glorified beach bum for like 6 months.

And on the eve of her return, she got Brandi drunk and not only convinced her to get a tattoo, but that Brandi should pay for the tattoo. For both of them.

So, fast forward a few hours…

Mandi worked out the details with the tattoo artist, picked out the design, and took the plunge first (this was Mandi’s second tattoo).

We both got the Gemini sign on our right ankles. In our respective colors. Mandi’s in hot pink. Brandi’s in turquoise. Our colors complement each other really well, if you were to ask us. Seriously? Hot pink and turquoise? Best color combo ever. Especially when you throw in some zebra or black and white damask.

Mandi pretty much had wanted a Gemini sign for about 2 years. That’s where the idea stemmed from. And it only made sense that Brandi got one too. We mean, like seriously, it’s like a great idea. We’re twins. We’re Gemini’s.

Gemini is the sign of the Twin. It’s mainly because Gemini’s tend to be bipolar (legitimately), because one second they can be happy and the next depressed. They are flighty and unpredictable. Gemini’s are free-flowing, quick thinking, and spontaneous. Which probably helps explain why we decide things very last minute, completely out of the blue, and then just go with it. Like moving 2k miles away without an actual “plan”.

The sign is symbolised by ‘the twins’, which also represents duality: the ability to relate to opposing visions simultaneously, to possess dexterity and a talent for multi-tasking.

So while we may be the exact “clone” of each other in the looks department, we kind of the think we split the personality part of the Gemini right down the middle.

Mandi is more or less the “boy” and experiences discomfort with deep emotions. Which makes her elusive, fickle and ill-at-ease with emotional commitments.

Brandi on the other hand, is more or less the “girl”. She is more emotional. Becomes easily attached to people and is highly sensitive.

Brandi thinks with her heart; Mandi thinks with her mind.

Perfect description of how we view things (Brandi has the capability to become emotionally involved; Mandi, however, can’t grasp that concept as well, even if she actually tries, which makes her seem cold-hearted and ruthless):

In love they are fickle, not intentionally so but because of the basic inconsistency of their emotional nature, which has an amoral aspect to it. Theirs is a side to Geminians which can become deeply involved emotionally, and another, hostile to sentimentality, which stands back from a romantic situation, laughing at it and the protagonists in it, including themselves while analyzing it intellectually. Gemini subjects take nothing seriously. So, in love, in spite of their temporary depth of feeling, for the intensity of involvement lasts only while it is new, they are superficial, light-hearted, cool, flirtatious and unimaginative in the understanding of the pain they may give others. They like intrigue, the excitement of the chase, but once they have caught the prey, they lose interest and look around for the next creature to pursue. In less serious situations they make witty, entertaining companions, good acquaintances rather than friends. Even at their worst they are never dull - there is usually playfulness below the surface, and they can be brilliant conversationalists - but they can also be quarrelsome, prattlers, boasters, liars and cheats.

A “problem” that Gemini’s usually have is over-indulging. We can have health problems because we overindulge in food, drink and the night-life. We can’t even tell you how true that is. We don’t know the meaning of “enough is enough” or when we cross the line from “fun and drunk” to “falling down and time-traveling” (also known as blacking out). Don’t blame us. Blame the fact that we were born in the wrong month. We also become something of a chameleon in our social surroundings. If you know anything about us, you know this to be true. Mandi, especially can adapt depending on who she is with and what would be deemed “appropriate behavior” for the particular situation. This also helps us with being friends with many different people. We can be who you want us to be.

Mono-what??

Wed, 28 Sep 2011 17:24:00 -0400

Hello there World! Welcome to the true life happenings of one set of very unique Mono-zygotes. Mandi and Brandi.

In case you were unaware of what “Monozygotic” is, let us tell you. Identical Twins. Easy enough right??

A twin is one of two offspring produced in the same pregnancy.^[1] Twins can either be identical (in scientific usage, “monozygotic”), meaning that they develop from one zygote that splits and forms two embryos, or fraternal (“dizygotic”) because they develop from two separate eggs that are fertilized by two separate sperm

People often think identical twins are clones of one another, but we are far from. Or so we’d like to think.

Ask anyone though and we’re probably the strangest set of sisters anyone has ever met. I mean how many people can say that they are best friends and can’t live without the other but fight like the worst siblings ever? Seriously. One minute we’re about to rip the others head off (pretty much quite literally), the next we’re laughing over some inside joke - and trust us, we have a million and one. It’s like we have a severe case of bipolar disease for our relationship - which is interesting enough considering we’re Gemini’s. Seriously though, we’re best friends. No one can dispute that fact.

Anyhow, apparently scientist are discovering new gene anomalies to dispute the fact that twins are genetically the same. I guess that explains why Mandi thinks she is allergic to strawberries and shellfish when Brandi has none of these apparent allergies…. Or the fact that she is a weird one and likes the attention from pretending she has allergies at social gatherings. That’s one we’ll never know… (sidenote from Mandi: I do NOT pretend. Shall we recall that unfortunate incident, on the eve of the Sapphire event Downtown, where I happened to consume a meal that was made in the same factory that produces shellfish products and proceed to have the worse allergic reaction ever? Worse even than the time Gamma Phi took it’s fall retreat our freshman year of college and we had to have an emergency leave of absence back to the city to campus - where we proceed to go out to frat parties, but that’s a different story…)

Here the Background on the amazingness of being an “Andi” Twin:

We were born on Friday the 13th (and no, we are not superstitious. Friday the 13th is the best day ever. Along with Full Moon’s), and are 20-something year olds.

Up until July 1st of this year we were living together and practically inseparable. On that (depends on who’s perspective - Mandi is sometimes grateful of this move; it means they can “bond” more) rather unfortunate day, Brandi decided to move 2k miles away to Hermosa Beach, CA leaving all her close friends and most importantly, twin sister, behind in Minneapolis, MN where the two of us have lived for the past 12 years. Mind you, the only other time we had been separated like this was when we were 13 and Brandi went to horseback riding camp in Hollywood. The other 2 times were when Mandi decided she wanted to live in CA and took a little hiatus from her life and moved there for about a total of 6 months (pshhh - it was for a year…).

Of course there were the awful years when we lived in different apartments, but like you would expect, had many slumber parties. Mainly to Brandi’s apartments, because Mandi still lived in the sorority - which had way too many rules, so no fun could be had. Although, granted, Brandi did turn into a one-man-woman when she dated The Ex for 6 years and forgot about everyone on the planet if it didn’t involve him. Thankfully she had a wake-up call and that dumb sabotaging thinking is out of her system. And so, things are better with the world of the Twins once again.

So here we are: living two-thousand miles apart, trying to grip with the reality of being so far away. This distance and lack of every day seeing of one another is made up for in the Tweets department (sorry friends), G-chat, Facebook and text messaging. Multiple, multiple times a day. Seriously, we have an addiction to talking to one another. It’s rather… ~~pathetic~~ endearing really.

So sit back for a ride of laughs and mishaps that always seem to come our way. Welcome to the Monozygotic life of the Andi’s.